Midnight.

Midnight blurts out my name, as though remembering my face and attire from somewhere or some place. It only hunts in the night and is rarely successful in its attempts, but when it does, it will render the prey defenceless against its lashing claws that rips out the human heart and view it under the blue light, looking through the user's past and present while inserting deadly formulas of nostalgia into it.

I am the prey now. As Midnight is beside me now, I cannot help but think of the past. That small fragment of memory I keep in my heart for these past two years and three months. This small feeling of nostalgia that injected my heart right now is turning my mind red, for I see only of that colour whenever I view it. 

To exorcise this memory, I tried my best. Attempts are made, but none are successful. Midnight declares itself as a part of me, only coming out of that shell that is my heart when it is at midnight. Not taken in by my words, it burns a hole in my heart and inserts that damned fragment into it. The only way to vanquish it is to rip out my heart as Midnight did, and burn it.

I failed.

I am now but a broken shell of myself, trying ways to please Midnight and its claws that terrifies me. The memories haunt me till today, and I blame myself for inviting the memory inside my heart, for it made a deal with me. In exchange of reliving this memory, I will need to experience the one power that all living things wish they do not have the emotions to feel it at all: Guilt. Guilt of being who I was. Guilt of being what I had become after that. Guilt of me almost ruining another person's life.

Today, the day before the Day itself, I will burn Midnight. Oh yes, the memories that haunt me for these past few years shall be gone be tonight, for I am now done living in the past. The tunnel of light is several steps away, and the road behind me has officially closed down, signifying the end of my journey as a Midnight junkie.

Goodbye, Midnight, for today, I bid you farewell.

haha.

changkat

pay

me

no

mind

my dear

mouth

the

silencer

the hands

cusped

strands

of time

tuck

me

to

bed

safe

asleep

downfall

answers

papers

of

green and

dotted black

pioneer

of

troubles

and peace

rest

do 

not

fret

smell

the

dancing

apples

George

is 

watching with

keen eyes

his

smile

creased but

wild

silver

and

gold

(coins?)

tartar

sauce

in

Changkat

needing

more

wanting

less

pass

perfect

pants

protect

my

days

are

over

end

is

finding

closure

i

close my

eyes and

scream

(what a joy) 

(what a joy!)

what 

a joy

to be

alive!

*******

Just a poem.

*******

Semester 3 is officially over.

If time has a stopwatch, it must be out of service now. Too many times have I tried to stop time from moving faster than it should be but alas, I am still witnessing seconds and seconds ticking past me with flickering motions of hellos and byes.

I got two weeks to get through. Two weeks of rotting, sitting down on my red chair, now wishing time could go as quick as possible. However, like a stubborn mule, time only works for itself, its seconds turning from falling sand to drips of water from an unused water hose. 

Time is my friend.

Time is my enemy.

Time is my pet.

*******

If you are wondering, yes, I am experimenting with heavy imageries with the paragraphs above. Something tells me that I am not very suited for that...

P.S: Going to Genting with the lady later on. I never went to Genting before, so this will be fun. I guess.

Just an update.

One of my absolute favorite Oasis songs. Strangely though, I cannot put the music video in this blog post, so this lyric video with stars and stuff should make it up... Or not.

Also, this song is dedicated to Kelvin, Kit Yin and many other friends in ADP who are leaving Malaysia to further their studies in America. Good luck people; I sincerely wish all of you good luck and may our paths cross again, no matter how slim the chance it might be (:

***

Time flies.

Time can never slow down for a guy like me. I could never grasp time with my bare hands; I am not a deity, I am just a mere human in this world, still trying to find a place to plant my feet on. No matter how sticky or daunting the road may be, I ventured most of it safely without turning back to take a look at the past. The past is the past; it is like vying for another gold medal at this year's Olympics for Malaysia.

I am dying. Dying because the future is too near. This is the first time I am afraid of putting the next step forward. The rocks on the river that leads to the other side is shaky. The water's tide is unstable. The trees behind me are shaking. The birds are chirping. The bag is getting heavier. My legs are getting tired. I am getting restless.

I cannot see the light.

As confident as I may be, I am much better off making decisions that benefit my own self. Then again, the decisions I have made for these past few years have been nothing short of benefiting only myself. Just for once, for once, I wish I could make a decision that satisfies everyone that I care for.

You can see where I am getting at now, readers. There is no way, no way that I could make a decision about my future that could console the people I care for. There will always be this one or two little sacrifices that I have to make in order to see the future.

Alas, the future is near. It is 6th August 2012 now, exactly nine days from being inducted to ADP. The rocks I am standing on is still shaky. One step back will cost me two years of my life (starting from freshman in America). Staying on the same rock will cost me my experience (staying here in Malaysia). One step forward will make me start all over again (transfer to Vancouver Film School, which alienates me from everyone I know, causing me to start afresh in a foreign place).

My mind is stuck on going for the latter. It has been a long time since I made a decision that makes everyone happy, but this is not the time to make it just yet. Not now. I am my own man. No more hesitation.

I am but an inch from putting my foot forward.

Somehow, I am still alive.


P.S: Got myself the box set of A Song Of Ice And Fire. I still got Emily Dickinson and Miss Bernice's memoir to read, so I guess my post-final term examination plans are half sorted out.

P.P.S: Stop it. Stop this sorcery you put on me!