horizon.

The masters are back. My goodness, what a masterpiece of an album!

*************************************

As my 6th and final semester of ADP approaches with a vague knock on the door, I am contemplating on the many things this course has taught me.

It has not been a good two years in ADP. The intended and unintended drama, the tension, the rapid declining of passion in academics, the rising responsibilities of being the only male in my household, and the decisions.

Oh, the decisions.

Trying to make things right will never cut it, because the past will never change itself ever again, but the future was and still is in my hands, and I never made a single effort to fling my hand to grab it, to secure it like many others would in this age. I squandered it away like a king, a mad king, a king whose love and compassion is being counted and measured by favors of humans and gold. What good money can give you is faith, but faith can never buy you security. My heart has been feeling void for a long four years, with nearly nothing to fill it.

In these two years, I have lived, died and lived again. The drums are playing with a resounding beat of freedom, the sounds of a bird being released from a rusty cage, a boy turning into a man under many eyes of snakes. Two and a half more months, and I shall not be called a boy, but a man.

They say flowers are destined to wilt and lose its beauty, but what beauty can it be when its life is determined by the soil it is grown on? I will remain here, a moist but incompetent soil of a country where many have left to find soil worthy to grow on. I possess no gold to do that, and I no longer have the courage to do that. There is only so many moments a man like me would try to shake off the flakes of security and go in search of a better life, but life has abandoned me with its powerful rain. What remains is a white flower stained by the words of others and the lies of telling itself being blue in color.

A smile will never buy friendship, and I am inclined to believe in that. Only favors do, and when favors sink in, a true friendship would blossom under the initial intention of using one another. Perhaps in ADP, I am not fated to have that many acquaintances or friends, for I do not believe in brokering and instead on trust.

As the next two and a half months of my final semester, I shall smile and be the white flower that I have always wanted others to see.

This is the end, and I shall be the one to start it again.

And this, despite its dreamy feel, is what I shall listen to as I walk to class tomorrow. What little harm can it make when your life is a packaged lie that your closest ones and yourself donned for perhaps their whole lives?