need.

To belong is to feel belonged.

I am tired of living in this world that does not need me or want me. I just want to feel... Needed. Or at least wanted among a group of friends or acquaintances.

For four years that I am back in my homeland, I have no stable cliques. No group of friends that I can talk to comfortably and still feel, at least for a moment, belonged somewhere, to be a unit, one of the few jigsaw puzzles that can be pieced together in order to be labelled as a group.

I remember, albeit vaguely, the better group that I felt that I almost belonged in was back in my 2nd semester of my ADP days, where I was friends with a bunch of multicultural people, and with many bold dreams that were waiting to happen. It was not about what we talked about or what we did that justified us as a group, but what we wanted in each other, to be part of a company that reveled in not just who was in the group, but what we needed in each other that can tickle our thoughts and emotions with just a single word or action. I never felt that feeling ever again, even when the group that followed was similar to this, but it all turned out to be fueled by greed, the use of each other and mutual deceit that tied the thin strings of friendship that would have long been torn if not for the use of money and personal gain.

I have a close friend that I could call brother and a girlfriend who loves me more than anything I could ever think or dream of, but individual efforts do not damp the fact that I do not belong anywhere. Fighting for power, greed, or whatsoever does not matter to me. Individual rewards are not what I seek, but group closure and mutual love that connects us together... Yes. Yes please.

Because in the end, I need the need to feel needed.